Back in August, my friend asked me if I wanted her table at SF Zine Fest. I’m so grateful! Because of that, I was able to experience something new and push myself to actually put my art out in the world. SF Zine Fest is an annual event where zine-makers and artists come and sell their zines/prints/art/creations. I had attended several art book fairs (SFABF, NYABF, BKABK) with awe and fascination, but never thought I’d be able to be on the other end, selling my own zines.
I was really depressed for the months leading up to the event. I had felt severed from the part of me that simply enjoys the act of making art. Because of this, I procrastinated on prepping for the zine fair for a long time…until a week before the event, when I realized that I didn’t like any of my old zines and needed to make a new one.
So I sketched everything the week before and printed it at Max’s Garage Press. That week I shuttled back and forth between my home in San Francisco and the print shop in Berkeley. My life that week was sponsored by BART and Berkeley Bowl. No complaints.
I have to say, everyone I met at SFZF was incredibly kind and down to trade zines. I felt so much emotion: gratitude, nervousness, wonder, kinship, and connection. Zines that alluded to depression, anxiety, loneliness, dread, sadness…zines that I could tell the artist poured forth their heart into…an autobiographical zine about crying, a cute zine about the struggles of adulthood, an all-too-relatable zine about the doldrums of corporate jobs, all these things I’ve been wrestling with. Art is a vessel for feeling. That made me see more clearly why I want to continue making art. Though I’m far from the “best” (whatever that may mean), I have my own story to tell. I have my own sensibility and my own understanding of the world. I have things I feel and must say, and only I can say these things. Because nobody can read my mind or process my lived experience for me. Art helps me process life and get through each day; it’s my way of making meaning.
Note for future self: people (including me) actually really like personal zines. They’re not “too cringe” or “too personal.” That’s the whole point of art!